Happy Sunday (7/21/19) Everyone!
Like I say in almost every blog.. I cannot believe that it is almost August!
So crazy how fast this year has gone by!
Anyways.. I'm sure you know what this blog is going to be about.
BEING KIND TO YOURSELF!
I think I've talked about this in a blog in the past. But it is a good topic and a friendly reminder for us all.
So I will bring it up again :)
I'm guilty of NOT doing this. Which is so strange... Because I am so kind to everyone else around me.. JUST NOT ME (sad face).
Are you guilty of the same thing?
If so.. Let's work together to change this!
Wednesday (7/24/19)
Okay... I know I'm behind on posting this. I was "supposed" to post it on Monday. But oh well.
When you work for yourself.. You have some wiggle room. But how good is that wiggle room?
I have to be careful with that kind of mindset. I have to treat what I do like an actual full-time job. Because that is what it is for me.
But... I am kind of going to digress from my original topic. We will come back to that in the future though. But at the moment.. I have something else I want to talk to you guys about.
As you all know... I have been struggling with dieting. I have been struggling with how I see myself and my body. I have been struggling with the thought of not being a bodybuilder.
But with all of these struggles.. I have found my true passion. Baking <3
Which brings me to my love for food in general.
I know that we all love food. But I find food so beautiful.
I find flavors and flavor combos so amazing.
I love, love, love cooking and BAKING for people.
And as much as I have loved bodybuilding... That takes all the above away from me.
I view certain foods as "bad." I avoid certain food because it is too calorie dense to FIT MY MACROS!
DUDE! I'm a small ass girl (well, my ass isn't small.. Hahaha!), with a HUGE appetite!
My macros are always so limited.
If you read my previous blog... Then you know I paused my nutrition coaching.
So I do still have that to go back to. I will use that to do a couple more shows.
I do want to bring a better package to stage before I call it "quits," for bodybuilding.
Then I want to live a more fulfilling life. I will still be training hard. I will probably still go through some dieting phases. But I want to cook my husband a yummy, healthy dinner most nights! I want to have an almond milk latte and not freak out about counting the macros.
I am going to list out things that I want to eat... Healthy things... That I have been avoiding because of bodybuilding...
*Before I go on... Bodybuilding is not a horrible thing. I don't regret competing in it. And like I said above.. I will (at least I want to) do a couple more shows! But I just think it is time to move on.
Healthy things I'm not going to avoid anymore: (until future contest prep)
-yogurt and granola
-sandwiches
-bananas & other fruit
-chia seed pudding
-trail mix
Sunday (7/28/19)
I am sitting in a Stumptown coffee shop with my hubby.
We just went on a hike. Man! What a life to live :)
Okay... So I have had a few days to sit with my thoughts from the other day.
And I have decided that I am going to stick with my macros. LOL.
As much as I want to just eat whatever I want... I also don't want to be overweight.
Plus, I know I have the discipline and willpower. So I need to let it shine!
However, I am including some of the things I listed above.
I have been eating yogurt and granola. I have also been adding in fruit!
Recently, I have been eating peaches and strawberries. YUUMMMM!
OOO! And I made myself some protein chia seed pudding! Also YUMMMM!
Okay... So let's finish this blog off with what I actually planned on talking about.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
I recently have had a really hard time with my body image.
Tony and I went on a short trip to Bend, Oregon.
And we enjoyed some off plan food.
We also spent some time in our AirBnb hot tub... Which meant I had to wear a bathing suit.
I haven't been in a bathing suit in quite some time.
Sure, I wear my posing suit to take pictures. But that's not in front of anyone. Plus, I'm posing.
I was wearing my bathing suit... Very uncomfortable. Not happy at all.
Of course, I have the most amazing man, and he says I look great.
But my fucked up mind just says, "YOU'RE LYING! I look terrible!"
And a few days before that, I was almost on the verge of tears in the gym...
I felt like I looked like I don't even lift.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
As I sit here writing this out... I feel so silly and quite embarrassed.
I feel like I don't have the right to complain about this. I know I'm not overweight or fat.
But all at the same time, I feel like I am a fraud of an athlete. I feel like I don't look good enough to be an IFBB Pro. I feel like I don't look good enough to be a coach.
And again, ALL SO SILLY!
And quite mean thoughts to think of yourself.
I know I have talked about positive self-talk before. And I really do believe that it works.
I've done it in the past. And I still do it here and there.
I do need to practice it more often for sure.
I try to take my negative thoughts and turn them into something KIND <3
FOCUS ON THE GOOD!
I have big, powerful legs so I can squat more!
I have a plump booty that a lot of girls wish they had. **Not that I want other girls to wish that. I want other girls to love their own booty. Hahaha!
I have a healthy body that is full of energy and life!
I am beautiful!
I am strong!
I am independent!
And I get to spend my days doing what I love!
Those are some things I tell myself.
Life is too short to focus on the bad!
AND... I AM IN CONTROL!
If I don't like something about my life or about myself... Then I need to change it.
Or I need to change the way I view it, or think of it.
Thankfully, through all of this... I have my husband by my side.
He can tell that I am struggling. Even though I don't share all my thoughts with him.
I try not to let it out into the universe. I try to just hide it. Shove it deep down inside, and pretend that it's not there. I don't want to deal with this negativity. But I have to. I have to figure out why I think of myself this way. That way I can fix it. Running away from my feelings isn't fixing anything.
I know I haven't really talked about how to be kind to yourself. Other than positive self-talk and affirmations. And I'm sorry if that's not what you were looking for. But at the moment, that's all I know how to do.
Oh wait! I have one more thing that has been helping me.
I have been caring more about how I look and dress.
If you know me... You know I'm not a girly girl. I don't do my hair, I don't wear makeup, and I am always in gym clothes. But lately, I have been putting in a little bit more effort.
I find that I feel more confident in myself when I feel like I look better. This has really been helping because I'm not too confident in my actual body at the moment.
Another thing, this might seem silly. But I will sometimes strut my stuff. I will literally pop my chest out and walk like I'm a model on the runway. One, this can make you giggle. And I feel like laughing always puts you in a better mood. Two, I think it really does make me feel more confident.
No matter what season I'm in... I work hard for the body I have. So I'm going to rock it! :)
*sigh*
I think I'm going to cut it here. I'm not really sure where this blog went. I tried to make it valuable for you guys... But sometimes, I just need to let my mind go where it wants to go.