5/11/19
Happy Saturday, Everyone!!!
So.. Some exciting news.
I have officially started contest prep!
I got the itch! So I contacted some coaches... And hired one that I have been really wanting to work with!!!
SHANE HEUGLY! He has amazing athletes at a very high level!!!
I'm excited for this prep! Now that I am in the right mindset!!!
Because about a month ago.. I kind of dreaded the idea of a strict diet!
I guess now I have gotten fluffy enough. LOL! It is time to de-fluff myself!
As you guys know.. I ate like an asshole while in Ohio. I gained a good bit of weight.
I have officially gotten over 130lbs.
Before my month or so of "relaxing" I was sitting at 125-126lbs.
I am now on track!!!! 100% !!!
I was going to start my prep when I got back from Tampa. (Tony and I are going back to Tampa for a week on Wednesday)... But then I took some pictures for Shane.
I WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL!!! I haven't looked this soft in a long time!!! Yuck!!!
I know a lot of the yucky-ness will go away as soon as I get back on track. But still... I worked way too hard during my off season to keep things tight. And I feel like I kind screwed things up this past month. I know I didn't.. But that's just how I feel when I look in the mirror.
This is a little blurb that I wrote in my phone one day while I was at the gym...
"In order to grow.. you have to put in weight. In order to put on weight you have to be in a surplus. And that means you have to eat. And you will lose some conditioning.. Pretty much much all of your conditioning if you are a natural female in the off season. And you are going to have to be okay with it. You have to remember that it is part of the process. It is part of what you want!!! If you want to be one of the best! Then you HAVE TO GROW!!! You don’t have to be lean all the time!!! YOU SHOULDN’T BE LEAN ALL THE TIME! It’s not healthy!!! It’s not maintainable. Perfection is not a thing! So stop setting that as a goal! Also, stop comparing yourself to others!! Especially the best in the world! That’s just silly!!!"
I wrote this down because I was thinking mean things about myself and the way I look.
And that kind of thinking isn't helpful or productive in any way. Positive thinking and self-talk is a real thing!
They both helped me get through things in the past. And I will be sure to practice it all again as I go through this as well!
5/14/19
Okay... So I had another moment of second guessing myself. Questioning bodybuilding and what I actually want to do with my life. I've never been in this situation before...
Sure I've been in a slump.. Sure I've been negative towards my off-season body.. Or body in general.. Which isn't a good thing! I need to be kind to myself!!!
But questioning what I'm doing and who I am is insane to me. I've never felt so lost. And this makes me so sad.
All I want to do is sleep and hope that when I wake up, I will have things figured out! (Okay.. It may not be quite that extreme)...
Bodybuilding/training has always been my outlet when I am going through things. But now.. It is what I'm questioning . Ugghhh!
So what I'm really trying to focus on is HAVING FUN!!!
Training the way I feel like training.
5/18/19
Happy Saturday Everyone!
Man on man! I am so pooped out!!!
Like I mentioned above.. Tony and I are in Tampa. We are out here for the Mi40 Exercise Execution Camp!
And it isn't like any seminar I have ever been to! We are training so much! It's amazing!!! I love it!!!
Yesterday was Chest in the morning, then back in the later afternoon.
Then today was legs and legs!!! Woooo!!!! My little body is beat!
Tomorrow is shoulders! So I'm super excited!!! Love shoulders! It would just be nice for them to be healthy again... But that's a whole different blog in itself!
5/19/19
So... Friday I didn't eat much you guys... Kind of on purpose because...
1. I was busy with the education camp.
2. I was saving up macros/calories to have a dinner out with Tony.
I normally don't do something like that.. But when on vacation... I guess it's okay.
I say that... But I'm still not a huge fan of doing it myself. Especially when I am working with a coach.
I like to follow the plan to the T!!!! But I'm still in a weird spot mentally. (I'm just giving myself excuses UGH!)
Stupid excuses! Why do those things exist?! Oh yeah.. I'm HUMAN! Hahahahaha. I forget that sometimes. I like to pretend that I'm a robot sometimes. But I'm not!
But because I ate out with Tony Friday night... I under ate the entire day Saturday!!!
I thought the extra calories from the night before would be fine... But not when you are training legs twice in one day with Ben Pakulsk and his team of coaches!!!! I was really hungry most of the day. Fortunately I did have a coffee that I sipped on, so that did help!
But it wasn't the smarted or most optimal thing to do as an athlete (or a human for that fact)!!!
When you over eat or go off plan... DO NOT TRY TO COUNTER-BALANCE THAT BY UNDER EATING OR STARVING YOURSELF!!!! It doesn't make things better! If anything it makes things worst!!!! Especially if you are an athlete and still training the day you are trying to under eat!
You ate extra because you were hungry. Then you "starve" youself, which makes you even hungrier... Which could lead to you binging!!! NO NO NO!!! Don't allow yourself to fall into that trap!!!
Thankfully I did not allow that to happen! I just had a little extra protein at the end of the night! Which helped a ton!!!!
So today I am going to go back to my normal macros. I am also splitting it up into more meals throughout the day. training twice a day makes it hard to have actually pre and post workout meals... So I just made meals that I want to eat :)
I always try to make things perfect and "most optimal" ... But perfect is not a thing!!! All it ends up being is stressful!!!! And most optimal is also not a thing if you are stressed and not enjoying the process!
Stress screws everything up! You can't grow. You can't lose fat! You can't sleep. You can't recover. You can't train hard!!!! Yuck to stress!!!!
JUNE 6, 2019
OMG! I started writing this blog almost a month ago! Insane!
Insane that it is already June! Insane that I have gone this long without writing!
Perhaps that's why I'm not sleeping very well!
Guys... I'm still in such a difficult place. I guess difficult is not the best word... I am just in a weird place I have never been in before.. And I don't really know how to handle it.
I've never struggled with my eating so much. Well, I guess I can't really say that... Because after I earned my pro card I did eat so much I gained 40lbs in 4 weeks!!! So at least I'm not there!!!! #lookonthebrightside
While I'm looking on the bright side... I do have so many amazing things going on in my life right now!!!
My baking business is picking up more and more.
And I applied for The Great American Baking Show!!!
I am getting ready to compete in my first Strongman competition.
With that I don't have too high of expectations. I just want to do my best and have fun!!!
I have also gotten a handful of new clients!!!
It is always amazing having the opportunity to help others achieve their goals!!!
Well... I think it is time to put an end to this blog post.
I promise I will get better with all this! I'm sorry you guys!