3/23/19
Happy Saturday, Everyone!!!
Now let’s see if I can actually write this blog in a timely manner. LOL.
I hope everyone had an amazing week!!!
Mine was a little crazy!
Training hard. Eating good. Packing bit by bit for my trip to Tampa.
Working at the gym. As well as baking and shipping out Keeks Treats orders.
I seriously love my life.
There are moments where i get super overwhelmed… But I never second guess what I’m doing.
I can honestly say that I spend each day doing what i love.
Now before I get lost in my random babble (like I always do)… Let’s talk about Tampa.
I don’t think I’ve told anyone that Tony and I are going to Tampa for a week (just my gym members).
We are going out to Tampa to check out a school for Tony. If you guys didn’t already know… Tony is back in school working towards getting his PhD. So excited and proud of him!!!!
This man is so smart!!! And loves learning!!! Truly inspiring!
Me on the other had… It takes a little more effort for me to crack open a book…
Except for baking… I have loved learning more about baking. I even signed up for a Principles of Baking class!!! So excited about it!!!!
Anyways… TAMPA!!!
We will be out there for a week (I am actually writing this blog while on the plane).
I’m excited to see some friends, check out Tony’s school… And just simply have a week of “vacation” with my handsome man!!!
Tony and I have been so busy lately. The best kind of busy for sure!!! But nonetheless… BUSY!
We have…
-Strength Union
-Team Phoenix Performance
-Subject Zero Supplements
-Keeks Treats
-Tony is in school
-We are both prepping for bodybuilding shows
-And of course we still have to be human and do all the normal stuff.. LIKE SLEEP & EAT! Haha.
Back to Tampa for a moment…
Again, no one really knows this but my gym members… But Tony and i will most likely be moving out there. As long as he likes the school, of course. So this time next year… I might be on the east coast!!!
EEEKKKK! That’s exciting… But I will miss the PNW!!! I love Oregon so much! So beautiful and green! & my family is a short flight away! But who knows… Maybe people will visit me more if I live in a state with less rain :)
FYI: I WILL STILL BE BAKING IN TAMPA!!!
Tony and I are staying in an AirBnB.. SO YAY!!!! So happy and excited!
LOL. Happy and excited seems to be the trend. Not a bad trend at all!
Now that we are talking about food…. I want to touch on sticking to your diet/macros while on the road.. & shout out to my client Evangeline… She is on a long vacation and still doing everything she’s supposed to! & she’s making great progress!!!
So don’t let life be an excuse to not work towards your goals!
There is always something to do, somewhere to go, a party to attend… Yada yada yada…
3/28/19
I am currently sitting at a coffee shop with Tony. Buddy Are Coffee… I think that’s what it is called.
What ever it is called, I love this place!!! So cute!!! And their almond milk latte is so yummy! Well.. I have yet to find one that I don’t like… I just know it is really good when I don’t have to use Stevia.. And it is always a bonus when the barista is good and the little art work! I just love it so much!
I am in such a great mood right now!!! I am absolutely loving Tampa!!! Tony and I have met some of the most amazing people!!! I literally feel like I am at home. I feel like I have met some real friends! Like a family!! A fit family that is into what I am into!!! That live the lifestyle that I live!!!
And Tony’s school was awesome too!!! As well as the professor and the other students!!!
I even asked if there was anything I could volunteer for!!! That’s how cool it all was!!!
Needless to say… I’m pretty sure Tony and I are sold on Tampa!!!!
But let me take a step back… I had a bit of a breakdown last night.
Tony and I have been talking about why I do bodybuilding.. What does it add to my life… How does it make me better… ?????? Does it take away from my life…? Does it make me happy? Do I feel like I’m missing out on life or experiences?… Like this trip…
If I was able to eat with more flexibility… Would I have more fun or enjoy the trip more???
One of the many amazing things about Tony is that he makes me really think about things. And it is mostly things that I don’t ever put thought into… I’m really good at being a “robot.” Which is how I became an IFBB Pro to begin with…
But is being an IFBB Pro…
What does that mean? What does it add to my life? To Tony’s life… Is it healthy???
Does it define me? Is being a bodybuilder all that I am???
LET’S START TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS… Let’s start to find myself and what I actually want to do with my life. I am 27 year old… I feel like I should have all this figured out… But I don’t. And you know what… That’s okay!!!! I am always improving and getting better day to day.
What does bodybuilding (bb) add? For me.. BB gives me a goal. A challenge. I enjoy the struggle. I like the fact that not very many people can do it, especially on a high level.
Does bb make me better? Honestly, since I’ve started competing… BB has created a really unhealthy relationship with food. And really bad self-image issues. I have always been hard on myself (aren’t we all)… But I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted (I made sure it was healthy, most of the time)… And I was fine!!! I maintained a great physique. A healthy one! And I felt amazing training! But now I freak out if I can’t eat my meals at the EXACT time that I want. I weigh out my sugar free ketchup in grams (on the scale)… And I don’t eat a lot of things that I love because I view them as “bad” or not optimal…
I am definitely making all this sound worse than it is… But I just want to share some of the not so pretty truths.
3/29/19
I am currently sitting on the airplane heading back to Portland from Tampa… Well technically we are heading to Seattle… Then I have to drive to Portland! Man! It’s going to be a long day/night. We will be getting home between midnight and 1am. Then I have to up early to bake!!!
Oh well… Gotta do what you gotta do!!!
Well… Let’s get back to where I left off yesterday.
Does BB add to my life? Does it make me better?
Originally yes. Yes it did. I taught me work ethic. It taught me discipline. It taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to. And it made me mentally stronger (at times)… It also made my physique better and stronger. It gave me the power to control my body and how it looks.
So there are definitely plus sides to bodybuilding. Plus the fact that I have really enjoyed this journey.
Sure there are struggles and challenges. But I wouldn’t take any of them back. They have made me who I am today.
But I do really want to work on, and focus on becoming even better! HEALTHIER! Inside and out!!!
I need to get a healthy relationship with food again. I need to have fun with training. Shoot, have fun with it all. & live my life. The better I have gotten in bodybuilding.. Even powerlifting at times… The more serious I have gotten, and the more I have taken the fun out of it all.
Now that I’m doing all of this thinking… I need to think about what I want to do.
I just did a powerlifting meet… So I’m not really in the mood to do that right now.
I’m not ready to prep for a show at the moment. But I do want to lean out a bit. But I need to find a different way to lean out.
I think lowering the macros like we are is good… But I want to keep a cheat meal in. Just one a week.
I’m also enjoying the cardio.. HIIT is challenging.. It gets me breathing hard. It’s good!!!
How do I want to train???
Hmmm…
4/2/19
Looks like time has gotten away from me again…
So much for posting this blog in a timely manner. LOL.
Oh well… It’s probably better because it has allowed me to continue to write as things come to my mind… And as I continue to go through these different thing emotionally and mentally.
4/3/19
Okay… It is 5:37am… I have been up since 4:10am. it’s funny to think that I actually slept in. And I hit snooze once. LOL. 8am used to be early for me!!! I amazes me how you can literally train yourself to do just about anything.
i do enjoy waking up early because i get so much done.. MOST OF THE TIME. Sometimes I wake up and feel like a zombie… So I pass out on the couch after I make the coffee and fill up Tony and my water bottles.
*sigh*
I am slowly starting to feel better about what I’m doing with my life.
Which is good… Because i was not a fan of that slump I was in. I felt so lost. I felt like I didn’t know who I was.. Or what I was doing with my life. I questioned if I wanted to bodybuild. I questioned in I wanted to powerlift… I questioned if i was capable of being a coach… And if i had anything to offer this world and the people in it…
And you know what… After all that… It brought me right back to what I’ve been doing, and loving (most of the time). Bodybuilding and powerlifting. Mostly bodybuilding… That was what was in question the most… Powerlifting doesn’t really effect my mindset and emotions like bodybuilding does.
But YES!!! I love bodybuilding. I love the training. I love the way it makes my physique look. I love stepping on stage… And when Tony and i move to Tampa… I will be in the perfect environment to excel in it!!!
And powerlifting is a bonus!!! I love it too!!! i love to lift heavy shit!!! And I’m not that bad at it. My first year in powerlifting I made it in the top 10 in the world. And this year I was top 5 for a little bit.
I have spent too much time being mean to myself. Thinking that I’m not good enough.. Comparing myself to other.. And by others I mean the all time best in the world… And in all honesty… That’s just silly! You shouldn’t compare yourself to others to begin with… Let alone the very best!!!
Sure… I’m good… I’m amongst the best… But I’m not the best.. And I won’t ever be.
That’s a tough pill to swallow because that has been one of my goals.. But at the same time it feels like a weight has been lifted off me.
4/4/19
Okay… Today will be the wrap up of this blog!!!
I think I’m going to make it a thing for me to post a blog every other Friday.
Post an article on Team Phoenix Performance the other Fridays…
And post a YouTube video every Monday.
Speaking of posting this content.. What do you guys want to see/read?
My blog is my own space to write about whatever… But what kind of articles would you like?
What kind of YouTube videos would you like..? I know I had some requests for grocery shopping. LOL… I have failed on that. I get so distracted in the grocery store. But I can talk about what I get and why.
Would you guys like to know more about my baking?
Our supplements?
Please let me know.
Anyways…
before I close this blog… I wanted to let you all know that I am in a way better place mentally and emotionally. Instead of running from what I’m going through.. I am sitting with it. Thinking about it.
Today I went on a walk for my cardio. No music or podcast.. I just walked. Listening to the sounds outside and thinking. Asking myself questions. Yes! I literally talked to myself for 30 mins. And you know what?! It was amazing!!!
I came home feeling very refreshed. I came home feeling uplifted and like I actually like who I am and what I’m doing with my life.
One of my biggest struggles is my lack of self-confidence. Which leads to me constantly questioning myself and my decisions. It also makes me very self-conscious of my body.. And my knowledge/wisdom… I’m afraid to make mistakes or get the answer wrong.
WHY?
Well… I don’t want to be embarrassed. I don’t want to let people down..
EMBARRASSED? LET WHO DOWN????
My friends, my family, my husband, my followers, my clients…
Everyone but myself!!! Which is just silly!!!!
I need to stop caring about what others think!!!! & I need to start caring about WHAT I THINK!!!
This is my life!!! And I need to do what I want!!!!
And once I start doing that… I honestly think I will be better in all aspects!
A better wife, sister, daughter, friend, coach, athlete.. And I’ll be happier!!!
I also need to stop comparing myself to others. That’s also silly because we are all different!!!
I just need to be and do MY BEST!!! Give it MY all! And that’s that!
Well… I have to get some chores done around my house… I’ve been slacking on. Ha…
So this is it for now!!!
Have a great day!
And make sure you are living YOUR life to the fullest!!!