My Mindset: How It Has Changed
Hmmm… I’m not really sure where to begin with this. Mindset is such a crazy thing to talk about. And while I try to explain it… I find myself wanting to write about how I want my mindset to be instead of what it really is. So bare with me on this topic…
January 2013 was when I decided that I wanted give bodybuilding a try. I did not really think too much about it. I just continued to do what I was already doing; which was lifting and eating every couple of hours. I hired a coworker of mine (Jessica Graham) to coach me. She was a figure competitor, and became an IFBB Figure Pro herself.
While working with this first coach, I did not really understand what all needed to go into prepping for a show. I really didn’t take it seriously. If I was hungry I would snack on healthy things, which I thought was totally okay to do. I mean… It was healthy! And if I wasn’t feeling well, I would skip cardio. It didn’t take long for my coach to crack down on me and tell me that none of that was acceptable. Long story short… I just didn’t really get it.
Sixteen weeks later, I have made it to the end of my prep. Even though I didn’t quite understand the process of prep, I was still in the best shape of my life. I was very happy. And even while I was getting my spray tan and seeing the other girls back stage, I still didn’t really care that the other girls looked way better than me.
Thinking back on all of this is so crazy. My mindset was so different back then. (Lol, I say back then like it was so long ago!) I was so nonchalant about everything. I was really just doing it all for the experience and to have fun. That same mindset carried over into my first off season.
After my first show, I just continued doing what I was already doing. Went back to the gym. Went back to eating every couple hours. And I wasn’t eating specific things… I just ate healthy. I didn’t know anything about macros or nutrient timing. I didn’t weigh anything out. I simply just ate something healthy every two hours. Unfortunately this nonchalant mindset did not last too long.
March 2014 I started working with Ariel (Team Cutz). Ariel told me upfront that I have a lot of potential. And having him there to push me and hold me accountable made me take things a little more seriously.
I worked with Ariel for only 8 weeks before stepping on stage. This time I competed in the Women’s Physique Division. And this time… I was a lot more driven. It might have been because my boyfriend at the time was there to keep pushing me. It also might have been because I had Ariel counting on me. I also think it was because I only had eight weeks to transform my body. And I had already competed once, and I wanted to bring a better package. Whatever it was, I knew things were different, in a good way!
SIDE NOTE:
After competing in WPD, I did a show two weeks later… I went back down to Figure. This was when I became nationally qualified.
This driven mindset carried over into my off season. I maintained a pretty regimented “diet.” I also trained really hard. I went into the gym with a purpose. I wanted to get stronger, bigger, and better! I would check in with Ariel every once in a while just to make sure I was on track with things.
February 2015, I was ready to start prep again. Ariel told me that I was going to be working with Linda (LindaFit) for my prep to USAs. Linda made me wait until March to get started.
IT WAS TIME TO START! I was ready! I was determined and motivated to give this prep all I’ve got. The main reason for this was because I wanted this show to be the last one for a while. Shows are expensive and very taxing (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Plus, I really needed to start getting my life together outside of my fitness…
Twenty weeks later, I have done exactly what I said I was going to do. I gave 100%! Until you have done this yourself, you have no idea how it feels to KNOW that you gave it YOUR ALL! It was tough, but it felt so good!!!
I don’t think I have ever been so driven, focused, determined, or motivated in my life. I worked as a full time trainer (eating and working out between clients). I went to all my family parties (bringing my Tupperware to the restaurant). And I even went to a bar to “party” with my coworkers (drinking my water). Nothing was getting in my way!!!
Until about 4 weeks out… By this time I was like an emotional zombie. My coach told me I needed to get my sleep and not work as much. So that’s exactly what I did. I am so lucky that my manger was so understanding. He just told me that I better win; and no more shows after this. Haha!
I was now in Vegas with my uncle. I was so excited to be there. All my hard work was going to shine in a couple days!
Fast forward to the end of my show…
I EARNED MY PRO CARD! (And you better believe that my manger was one of the first people I text!)
The rest of the weekend was a blast. I hung out with my family and enjoyed myself. But when I got home… Things changed (and not in a good way).
I was very self conscious with how I looked. I felt awful inside and out. I had so many people telling me that I “deserve” to eat whatever I want; while I knew I should have reversed dieted. But of course I didn’t do what I knew I should have. I ate what I wanted, for the most part.
And of course after depriving myself for 20 weeks I didn’t want to eat super healthy, and when I did eat, I would eat until I was in physical pain.
All in all, I was wreck!!! I wanted to just relax and enjoy myself because I felt like I deserved it. But now that I was a pro I felt like I needed to be perfect. At this point, my mindset was at it worse!!! I honestly had no clue what to do. I felt lost, and I felt like I didn’t know who I was. I hated myself. I hated how I looked in the mirror. I hated how I had no control. I was at such a low point in my life… After I had accomplished something so amazing (for me). I didn’t understand it (I still don’t really understand it).
Fortunately, a couple months after my show, and 35 pounds later, I met Tony Montgomery. He interviewed me for Power Magazine. That interview was life changing. Not the interview questions, but the conversation within. I went into the interview not wanting to do it at all. My self esteem was so low. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of the interview. But Tony was amazing (and I’m not saying that because he is now my boyfriend). In that hour or two… He was able to remind me why I started my fitness journey to begin with. Long story short… I left that interview with the biggest smile on my face; and feeling like a brand new person!
Skipping the December, I hired Jason Theobald as my coach. And between Tony and Jason… I was slowly but surely heading in the right direction physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was also learning a lot along the way.
At this point, I was really focusing on enjoying the journey (my life). I was learning how to create a better relationship with food. I was starting to have fun with my training again. I was also learning how to open my eyes and mind to the world.
Recap on my mindset: I have gone from nonchalant, to total tunnel vision, and now just trying to live the best life for me in all ways (not just fitness).
With this new mindset, I decided to move out of my parent’s house, and out of California. Tony and I moved to Portland, Oregon. And with this move, I started my very first power lifting program. I chose to try power lifting because it simply looks fun! I mean, who doesn’t want to be super strong?! I also wanted something to work towards and focus on.
Starting off, my mindset was kind of back to that nonchalant way of thinking. I was just having fun with it. I didn’t take things too seriously. That is, until Tony told me that I was supposed to be improving week to week with my lifts. So I flipped the switch! I started to push harder with my training… I couldn’t let myself or my man down! This switch brought me back to a driven mind set. But with power lifting you are still able to be “human.” No emotional zombie.
I was (and am) still working with Jason Theobald. He is great with working with me on whatever my goals are at the moment. During my meet prep we focused on cutting down to 123lbs, while still maintaining strength. Sounds impossible, but Jason made it happen!
I did have some rough patches during my meet prep. But for the most part my mindset was in a good place. And when I did have a mental or emotional breakdown… I have Tony and Jason by my side.
June 2016, I am now 13 weeks out from my second power lifting meet. I am in a good place. I am very happy with my body and mind. There is always room for improvement… But yeah J
From 2013 until now, I feel like I have grown so much as person. Life has been a rollercoaster… But hey… Without some bumps, life would be boring. I’m not really sure how to bring all of this to a close. All I can say is that you have to live and you have to learn. Do not ever try to be perfect, just be the best you. And have fun in the process. Oh, and make sure you surround yourself with the most amazing people! That made the world of difference for me!
Thank you for reading. Please feel free to provide some feedback.
